Amused Bat and Naughty Clown
by PsychoticDuck
Summary: The Joker unintentionally achieves a great feat. He made Batman laugh!:O Find out what happens when the Joker takes interest in who is under the cowl and becomes an expert at building sexual tension 0.0 Warning: smut, BatmanXJoker, swearing. Updates coming soon.
1. Batman's Merriment

_Disclaimer: I'll let the boys do my work.  
_Joker:*giggle maniacally*  
Batman:*silent brooding*  
_I just can't get the staff nowadays*sighs*. I never have and probably never will own Batman:(_

On a shadowed roof somewhere in Gotham, The Joker was madly mumbling to himself, his voice mixed with his trademark unstable undertones.

"Where the fuck are you, Batsy? You are **_late_**… I had this whole _a-_mazingly rambunctious set up and you just- just SQUANDER it!"

**_No fun, none at all._**

The Jokers verbal and non-verbal musing spewing forth and tinging his aura with irritation, disappointment and malicious intent simultaneously.

"This simply will not _do_! You get your Kevlar clad ass here, RIGHT NOW!" he bellowed in hopes of said man's appearance.

Impossibly, the Jokers pacing seemed to grow more frantic as he flailed his hands around though his rant.

**_What could be captivating _****MY****_ Bats attentions so thoroughly?_**

He grabbed fistfuls of his stringy green dyed hair and tugged in clear frustration.

Then, upon turning to continue his pacing he caught movement to his right and swirled abruptly in that direction, arms held aloft invitingly.

"BATSY! Oh, I knew you'd come. I _knew _it! Come give Joker a cuddle." He invited enthusiastically.

The Dark Knight emerged from the shadows all dramatic like (you can always count on Batman to totally throw his wicked cool ninja skills about when he can) his lips donning a sneer.

"What do you want?" He growled out, as per usual, as he ignored the Jokers… _affectionate_ welcome.

"What do I want? Heh. I want _you_ to play with me." The Joker snickered gleefully as he began reducing the distance between them.

"I don't have time for your games, Joker! Why did you call me here?!" He raged in return, gesturing to the Batsignal 5 metres away.

"Calm your tits, Bats. Let loose a lit_-tle. _I shall not be, ah, revealing my cards so **soon **in to the game."

"If you do not comply and tell me why you brought me here, I will be forced to introduce your _face_ to the _GROUND!_" Batman spat trying to conceal the amusement the Jokers comment forced forward.

"Oh no, ol' buddy, ol' chum, ol' pal! Re-_laaax_. Joker'll make it all betterrr." The harlequin purred closing in on his target, everything going according to plan aaannnnndddd…

He trips over the tail of his coat and falls flat on his face.

"Owwwwwieee!" He squealed, though he took no actions to move, apparently favoring Batman's earlier advice about introducing the ground to his face.

Batman, who had before been hiding his amusement perfectly behind the Bat mask, finally could not keep a straight face and after a snort, let loose a stream of joyful (completely un-Batmanish) laughter.

The Joker was left breathless for and indistinguishable amount of time, peeling his face from cold asphalt to gape at the enigma before him.

**_B-B-B-B-BATMAN IS L-L-LAUGHING?! HOLY MOTHER-FRIGGING ASS-SLAPPING MORGAN FREEMAN! I made him laugh… So he does find me funny. _**A sinful grin plastered its self to his face, his eyes glowing with delight, fondness and mischief. **_That carefree laugh of his is _****extremely ****_attractive._**

Batman, meanwhile oblivious to the atom bomb going off in the Jokers head, was desperately trying to remain standing through the torrent of chuckles.

"Oh my- Ahahahahahah. I can't- I just can't. Ahahahah." The 'Caped Crusader' giggled (in his normal non-growling voice) before finally falling on his back, clutching his stomach and surrendering himself to the wild laughter.

Distracting him from the Joker's movement.

**_I am _****sooooo****_ taking advantage of this._**

The Joker stalked predatorily over to the fallen man (who was still laughing uncontrollably) and straddled his waist, pinning both forearms either side of his head, leering at his captive. Capturing Batman's attentions enough for him to smother his guffawing to mild giggles, eyes still filled with mirth.

That is until the Joker leaned slowly forward, so close he could see the gold flecks in the clowns brown eyes, the laughter abruptly cut off, leaving him panting, and he began testing the grip on his arms. The Jokers hips weighing his hips down.

The Joker reveled in consuming the Dark Knights attention, unable to withhold a teasing comment.

"Is it getting sexual out here, or is it just me?" He murmured seductively, before sitting back and regarding the man-bat below him with heated eyes.

* * *

Review my first ever FanFiction? Pwease, i would wuv some advice :D x


	2. I like the name Charlie

Disclaimer:

Joker: "Hey Bats. Have you ever tasted 'Willy Wonka's Millionaire's shortbread' chocolate bars? It's like sex, but I can eat it."*drools and moans simultaneously in ecstasy*

Bats: *Wide eyed* "Guh…?"

Joker: *Self-satisfied snicker* "PsychoticDuck does not own The Batman, I do." :D

Psychotic Duck: "HEY! No you don't!"

Joker: "Meh."

PsychoticDuck: *Is spontaneously attacked by Care Bears* "AHG! My ovaries! ... I don't own Care Bears either."*pouts*

I regret nothing…

Fine be that way.

SQUATS!

* * *

That teasing comment, to the Jokers delight, drew another regretfully released snicker from the man imprisoned beneath him. The man was obviously having difficulty composing himself, leaving him open for attack, attack of the funny variety ba-dum-tss :D (0_0 CRAP JOKES FOR THE WIN!).

Batman was confounded. He was in new territory with no set ground rules and with that, no idea how to address the situation. He just stuck to scrambling around to collect the shrapnel of his Batman visage and hope to god he had a Pritt Stick on him to glue it back together.

"You kept me waiting. I don'**t** like waiting Batman." The Joker murmured continuing in the same purring tone, savouring the name. He'd say that under all that…mask-ness the Batman was shell-shocked, what with that wide eyed stare.

The Joker scanned the Bats few bare facial features, admiring the melange of unguarded emotions in those hazel eyes before the Man-Bat came to his senses.

**_Who could possibly be behind that mask? _**The Joker thought as he remembered the undisguised voice he'd heard during Batman's laughing fit.

The Joker frowned, although the unhinged smirk still played with the corner of his lips as he released one of the armoured wrists to drift his fingertips across the uncovered chin before him curiously, snapping Batman back to his senses. Joker noticed, and in a movement you would have missed if you blinked, had re-secured the released wrist and collected the both in his free hand above his opponents head.

"Ah, ah, _ah._ No. You're not going a-ny-where until I am finishe**d.**" He paused, absently tapping on the chin beneath his fingertips. "Mmm… Since you're being so, ah, _submissive. _Let's get down to the nitty-gritty, what d'ya say?"

Batman's scowl had returned fully-fledged, he jerked his face away from the disconcerting touch to his face that made him paranoid (what with his identity and all). He jerked against the solid hold on his wrists but the Jokers positioning left him unable to gain enough leverage to escape.

"If you don't get _off_, I will be forced to slip rabbit pee in your future meals." Batman said broodingly, growl back in place.

"Heh-heh, you _do_ have a sense of humour. But I digress. Now, seeing as my plans have expired, _no thanks to you_, I'm just going to have to im-pro-vise. **SO! **Who is the man behind the mask, the dark soul beseeching justice, the man playing dress up, the mysterious, strong and silent guitarist everyone swoons for, a delicious, enticing, tempting, mouth-watering, delectable...Ahem, swizzle stick (1)… **_My Batsy_**?" The Joker enthused, finishing with a waggle of his right brow and a giggle.

"My identity is unimportant; it is useless to pursue that line of thought. And, this notion that you own me is completely unfounded, please refrain from such delusions, it won't help your case."

"Oh no, no, _no_. Don'**t** try to make this about me you, uh, clever little manipulator you. No sub-ject changes." Joker said somewhat seriously. "So _Batman_, gimme a clue and I let you return to your, uh, mundane, rudimentary, standard rounds of Gotham with no un_-pleasant_ re-per-cussions." He suggested as if enquiring into what he wanted for lunch.

"You cannot honestly believe I would just _give up_ my identity, can you? Seems you're more insane than I suspected." Batman growled irritably.

"Ah, my poor heart. How could you say such things, Batsy. Don't you _wuv_ me anymore?" He feigned hurt, fluttering his eyelashes. "_You_ of all 'people' should know I'm no**t **_crazy_, eccentric maybe but ne-ver crrrrazy. C'mon just **one** itsy bitsy clue. Won't cost ya much and you know I won't tell anyone your sec-ret, that would be _no_ _fun_. No, I want you to my-self. I can and will keep you here all night if that's what it takes and I knooow you can't afford to waste such time, so just. Spit. It. Ou**t**."

The Batman, noticing how often that jokers tongue passed across his bottom lip made him want to slather the man in Chap Stick. He attempted bucking The Joker off his form but the Joker held steadfast, and so, with a resigned sigh and a HUGE amount of reluctance, asked-

"What do you want to know? But, only one answer, as was agreed."

The clown grinned "Atta boy! _Now_ you're getting' it. So, mon égal (2), I want to knooowww~. OH! The first let-ter of you _real_, name." He exclaimed triumphantly.

Batman paused to consider the dangers of answering, but found no major risk if he were to tell the truth… but that didn't mean he would.

"It's C."

"C? As in C for Charlie? AHAHAHHAH! What if your name was Charlie?! Ahahaha! Tha**t** would be _such_ a BAD hero name… Charlie pfftahhaaaha." A serious expression abruptly entered The Jokers features. "Tell me the _truth_, I can tell you lie**d**. Now, no fun-ny business or I'll..." He trailed of ominously, reasserting his point by squeezing the wrists in his grasp until he was sure they'd bruise.

"Fine! It's B." Bruce grumbled, ignoring the pain.

"You're joking. Heh. Ironic much, **B**atman. Welp! You kept your end of the bar-gain I'll keep _mine_." He shifted his hips 'accidentally' bumping Batman's crotch, making him tense up, as he shifted to abort Batsy's form.

Joker turned after he'd stumbled in to a standing position and ambled away uttering five syllables.

"Seeya later, **_B_**." Those words promising similar future meetings. A trail of Joker gleefully singing "Run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, because i'm Batman-"

15 minutes after The Joker left Batman _finally_ finished staring incredulously into the shadows he'd vanished in to and leapt from the building with one thought-

'I could he handled that better… Damn it.'

* * *

(1)I love swizzle sticks, those marshmallow sticks, yanno?… No?...okay...

(2) French for 'my equal' apparently, I just thought it fit.

Oh dear, that chin scene was utterly adamant about being written. THIS STORY HAS YET TO EVEN BEGIN, stick with me, the real plot is coming soon. I'm soooooo sorry it took so long to post this, my plate is just a bit too full right now but I will not abandon this story.

I have noticed that my notes on the planned plot are very unconventional. Here's a real, honest to god, example- 'Joker getting all up in B-mans grill being like "yo you going nowhere till I has fun with you playmate (joker mannerisms)" ' I very literally just have a list of similar sentences this was just the first…

REVIEWS! :O

gordios79- Thank you! Oh could just gobble you up :3. The Joker's humour, I believe, is highly unappreciated. That un-appreciation was the basis to this story to be honest.

Lino-chan- I am soooooo glad you found it funny, I was really struggling to figure out The Joker's sense of humour so I mostly improvised, hoping for the best.

iship-love-otp- Back at ya ;D

Please don't hesitate to leave a review I will reply to each and every one of you (even if you flame me).


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